noahrevoy -- 4mo Yes, its loss in the marriage can signal the end if not fixed quickly. replyYes, its loss in the marriage can signal the end if not fixed quickly.
thread · root ec7da4c6…aa7f · depth 3 · · selected a8f9d924…8474
thread
root ec7da4c6…aa7f · depth 3 · · selected a8f9d924…8474
One of the clearest indicators of a dysfunctional marriage is not the presence of conflict, but the absence of aworkable method for resolving it.Conflict is inevitable in any marriage. What determines stability is whether disagreements can be processedproductively rather than allowed to accumulate.Couples with even very serious problems, money, sex, extended family, parenting, can remain highly stable ifthey have a reliable way to resolve conflict. Over time, issues get addressed, renegotiated, or adapted to, andalignment is restored.By contrast, couples who begin highly aligned but lack conflict-resolution capacity tend to deteriorate. Eachunresolved disagreement adds friction; resentment accumulates; communication degrades; and eventually the coupledeviates so far from one another that the marriage breaks down.This is why, in practice, no substantive marital issue can be solved before conflict resolution is solved.Chores, finances, and life logistics are unsolvable if a couple cannot even have a structured disagreementwithout escalation or withdrawal. Until conflict becomes productive, every problem threatens the relationshipitself rather than contributing to its improvement.
That ability to constructively deal with conflict seems to behave much like a rubber band which, once snapped,is nearly impossible to repair without outside intervention. Especially considering the asymmetry ofopportunities for mating and relational/support outlets that are available to women today vs men. It is superimportant to protect the couples’ ability to be constructive. I’m watching couples that I know who have lostthis ability, and it is sad to see. Every little disagreement results in a multi day withdrawal.
Yes, its loss in the marriage can signal the end if not fixed quickly.
That ability to constructively deal with conflict seems to behave much like a rubber band which, once snapped, is nearly impossible to repair without outside intervention. Especially considering the asymmetry of opportunities for mating and relational/support outlets that are available to women today vs men. It is super important to protect the couples’ ability to be constructive. I’m watching couples that I know who have lost this ability, and it is sad to see. Every little disagreement results in a multi day withdrawal.
