+- noahrevoy -- 2mo ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[...]+ | | | You see these testimonials online from parents who complain endlessly about how miserable parenting was for them. | | How horrible their children are. How exhausted they are. How much they suffered. How much their children now do not | | want kids of their own. | | | | What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about. | | | | That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain | | about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children. | | | | The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future. | | | | In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as | | burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all. | | | | We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard | | things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to | | do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out. | | | | Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your | | life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own. | | | | The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether | | to give you grandchildren. | | | +-- reply ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [1 reply] ---+You see these testimonials online from parents who complain endlessly about how miserable parenting was for them. How horrible their children are. How exhausted they are. How much they suffered. How much their children now do not want kids of their own. What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about. That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children. The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future. In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all. We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out. Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own. The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether to give you grandchildren.
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You see these testimonials online from parents who complain endlessly about how miserable parenting was forthem. How horrible their children are. How exhausted they are. How much they suffered. How much their childrennow do not want kids of their own.What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about.That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complainabout your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children.The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and thefuture.In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them asburdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all.We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hardthings can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wantsto do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out.Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruinsyour life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own.The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decidewhether to give you grandchildren.
I don't know. Maybe.
I personally had great parents who loved and supported me, and never once said a negative word about their role as parents. Yet I never had any desire for the marriage and family lifestyle. It's not for everyone. My mom and dad understood that, and never gave me any grief for my decision.
It's not enough to just hide the drudgery of parenting from one's own children and other potential parents by not speaking of it. To convince people to breed, you really have to make them believe that there are real upsides in it for them. That's much harder to pull off. The reasons for having large families in my grandparents' day (more free labor for the farm, etc.) just don't exist today, at least not as far as I can tell.
