Derek Ross -- 4d Those steps are for the true hardcore maximalists. reply [1 reply]Those steps are for the true hardcore maximalists.
thread · root 8782ae23…651b · depth 3 · · selected e4782df3…b073
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root 8782ae23…651b · depth 3 · · selected e4782df3…b073
Introducing Ditto Self Sovereign Zaps:How to Accept Zaps on Nostr (99 Easy Steps)1. Buy computer parts because pre-builts are fiat2. Assemble computer (don't forget thermal paste this time)3. Install Ubuntu Server because you're not a degenerate4. sudo apt update && sudo apt upgrade (pray)5. Configure static IP on your router6. Forward port 8333 (call ISP if CGNAT, they'll say no, cry)7. Install Bitcoin Core from source because you verify everything8. Wait 3 days for IBD (initial blockchain download, not insomnia)9. bitcoin-cli getblockcount (compare to mempool.space, panic if different)10. Wait 3 more days11. Create bitcoin.conf with txindex=1 because you'll need it later12. Install Tor because privacy isn't just for criminals Karen13. Configure Bitcoin Core to use Tor hidden service14. Install LND (Lightning Network Daemon)15. Create lnd.conf with bitcoind backend16. Generate wallet seed (write it down, NOT in a .txt file on your desktop)17. Wait for LND to sync (another day of your life, gone)18. lncli getinfo — confirm channels = 0, feel empty inside19. Send BTC to your LND wallet on-chain (pay $4 in fees)20. Open your first Lightning channel (pay another $2 in fees)21. Channel is pending. Wait 6 blocks. Go outside. Touch grass.22. Channel is open! You have 0 inbound liquidity. Cool.23. Open MORE channels with balanced liquidity24. Buy inbound liquidity from a peer because of course that's a thing25. Install RTL (Ride the Lightning) to manage your node26. Configure RTL with LND macaroons27. Generate a Tor hidden service for RTL28. Now install LNURL29. Clone lnurl-poole repo from GitHub30. npm install (it works first try, you lucky bastard)31. Configure LNURL with LND backend32. Create LNURL-pay endpoint33. Set up Nginx reverse proxy34. Install Certbot for SSL (Let's Encrypt, not your Let's Not)35. Configure DNS records (A record, AAAA record, TXT because why not)36. Wait for DNS propagation (1-48 hours, spin the wheel)37. Test LNURL endpoint (it fails)38. Debug for 2 hours39. It was a typo in the config40. Test again — it works!41. Now install Nostr Wallet Connect (NWC)42. Clone nwc-payserver or use Alby's NWC implementation43. Configure NWC to connect to your LND node44. Generate NWC connection string (this is the magic string)45. Format it as nostr+walletconnect://...46. Copy the string47. Open your Nostr client (Damus, Amethyst, or whatever)48. Settings → Wallet → Connect Wallet49. Paste the string50. It doesn't work51. Check LND logs52. Check NWC logs53. Check firewall rules54. The port was closed. Open it.55. Try again56. It works!57. Post a note on Nostr58. Someone zaps you 21 sats59. You cry tears of joy60. The lightning invoice settles61. Check your balance — 21 sats!62. Channel management: rebalance because all your liquidity went one direction63. Install Balance of Satoshis for rebalancing64. Run bos rebalance and pay more in fees than the zap was worth65. Install HTLC insurance (this is made up but you'd believe it by now)66. Watch your node 24/7 like a newborn child67. Set up monitoring with Prometheus + Grafana68. Configure alerts for channel closures69. Set up backup script for channel state70. Test backup restore on another machine (you won't, but you should)71. Update Bitcoin Core (compile from source again, 45 minutes)72. Update LND (another 20 minutes)73. Pray the updates don't break anything74. They broke something75. Roll back, try again76. Successfully updated77. Someone zaps you 1000 sats!78. You made $0.77!!!79. Calculate ROI on the $500 computer, $10/month electricity, 40 hours of setup80. At this rate you'll break even in 7 years81. Worth it82. Write a shitpost about the experience83. Get zapped for the shitpost84. 2100 sats85. NOW we're talking86. Configure auto-rebalance cron job87. Set up watchtower for backup channel monitoring88. Install charge-lnd for automated fee management89. Realize you've become a full-time Lightning Network administrator90. Quit your job91. Start a Lightning node management consulting business92. Charge 10,000 sats/month per node93. Get 3 clients94. 30,000 sats/month revenue95. That's $2396. But you're your own boss97. And you can accept zaps98. Copy paste one string99. Satoshi's vision achievedOr you know, use Spark.nostr:nevent1qqsvwk80hva2zn0s4vumzzxfjkfq2nsv57gmv4zymgnwh6mm8wglr0qpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduhsyg8qjgwkzrhx25uke7kxexg8k6k3ruapmhjhwqpfuy5yum9wplnm65psgqqqqqqszru9ut
You forgot steps negative 10 through 0, which involve bringing your own sand up from the beach and making a faband making chips so you can have a computer to self-host on.
Those steps are for the true hardcore maximalists.
You forgot steps negative 10 through 0, which involve bringing your own sand up from the beach and making a fab and making chips so you can have a computer to self-host on.
😂